Finally back again

What a long fucking time it has been for you
I have been misleading myself
Into darker corners of the realm
Within my grasp
I have no convelascence
Of time
Of responsibility
Of regret
Yet why am I still so disillusioned
Unsatisfied
Cravings are hard to handle
When you haven't an inkling what they are
What your mind wants to feed on
Reacting violently
Only when it hasn't received the proper substantiation
When it is withering
Wasting away
Eating itself alive
I feel confused
Contradictory
Emaciated by my own sheer force of self delusion
Yet I perpetuate
Welcome the oasis of insanity
A lick of my chemistry
And you'd be addicted
Uncurable
Diseased
Mind altering
Me
Bumfuzzled by circumstance
Parlayed by fate
and laid to rest
at my feet
I am enticing
I am illuminative
Reverse black
Until you sit
Until you wait
For my poison to set in
Then a vortex consumes
Empty inside that expanse
And lonliness persues and consumes
I antidote myself
Only to be reinfected
Day after day
How long will I vacillate
Existing in one world
Longing to be in the next
Crying for me
Crying for you
Hating all the while
And that rage feeds me
Keeps me alive
Rejuvenated